Positive:
Good plot
Wants to know more
Good characters
Good use of tension
The narrative structure is clear
Appealing story
Tension is well built
Very interesting
Good character development
The Story is going somewhere very interesting
Negative:
Show; don't tell
Describe the setting more
Increase the scare factor
Killer needs less dialogue
Can I get the right location when filming?
The majority of the feedback that I got was positive which was unexpected. It seems that the story I've made has entertain both people that reviewed. I will make sure to use this and expand on the story I've written without deviating too far away from what I've already created.
The negative feedback was very helpful. I am going to go back through my script and add as much detail as possible as well as work on "Show; don't tell". However, the recommendation to make the killer have less dialogue doesn't make sense to me. He was being specific to the first kill but the only dialogue the killer has is "Hello Jasmine" and "Goodbye Jasmine". In total, he only as 4 words (2 of which are the same word) so I don't think it's possible nor do I think it's reasonable make the killer have less dialogue.
Secondly, to increase the scary factor I think I am going to add more mystery and not reveal the killer so soon as I did. Also, in terms if whether I can get the right locations when filming, I'm sure that if this was to be turned into a film then I would get the necessary funding to get the location. If not, then there are many tricks tat can be used to look like the building exists.
